Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Drunken Rant

So, I was just talking to a friend. When we were kids... You know, if you did something retarded, you got your ass beat, your parents got a phone call, and you knew when you got home, you were getting your ass beat again. And you spent the entire trip avoiding adults because they were all given permission to beat your ass. That old chestnut.

But, seriously, when I was a kid, Transformers actually transformed from the thing into a robot. You didn't have to take arms off and replace them because it didn't work otherwise. They were something of a mechanical marvel. And the story. Imagine being a kid and growing up thinking 18 wheelers were awesome as hell and your favorite guy, Optimus Prime, transforms into one! For those who didn't grow up in the 80s, giant robots and 18 wheelers go together like whores and crack. That was a hell of a time! Giant robots, fast cars, and laser guns - all the while fighting the forces of evil.

And the story? They made a movie in 1984 or 1986 - I forget the date. Imagine growing up with that kind of hero. Watching the cartoons every week and all that. Then you find out they're making a movie? If your parents loved you, you saw that movie in theaters. And your hero dies within the first half hour. That's right, Optimus Prime DIES. And the voice-overs included Leonard Nimoy, Judd Nelson, Weird Al, and some other names I'm probably forgetting. It was insanely awesome.

This leads me to my big deal. What happened, America? We can't find concrete on playgrounds today when the original instructions for lawn darts was to stand at the circle where your buddy is throwing the "missile of death"! I had to Google "flying the American flag upside down" because I saw it as a window sticker and it kind of pissed me off. Then I saw that it's a message to say that we're in distress. I guess that's my whole point. We're not the America we want to  or should be.

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