Friday, February 3, 2012

The Beginning

So, here I am joining the millions of users on the internet attempting to become some sort of pseudo-philosopher blogger with millions of fans and pave my way to fame... Or, more accurately, become completely self-absorbed by writing a daily blog about my own stupid self. Beware, there shall be fucking swear words and, like most popular artists of today, I shall whore myself out to anyone who will give me five seconds of attention - like a disease-ridden hooker with daddy issues. There will also be vulgar references to hookers.

So, why bog? Obviously because I'm so pretentious that I think people will give a fuck about what I do in my daily life. Also, because I heard Google will pay me to write shit if I get enough readers who like to click links. To boot, I've not been sober in the past twenty-four hours and I need to feed my addictions. I can't buy whores, alcohol, illegal substances, and bribe crooked cops on taxpayer money alone.

Okay, so this thing is supposed to be about me and I suppose with that being the case, you deserve to know about me. I'm a 32 year old student attending the University of South Carolina on GI benefits. What am I studying? I'm glad you fucking asked. Mechanical Engineering. I'm sure I'll talk about some boring science stuff at some point, so there's your warning. I live alone with two ferrets. They provide most of the entertainment - and personality - in this house. I think that's enough about me for now. Get off the internet and go do something productive. Or, if you're slightly cooler than myself, navigate away from this page to your favorite porn site and fap to your most recent sexual fetish. Then you can spend the rest of your evening with the realization that you might as well go to bed because creaming your three-day-old underwear was the highlight of your night.

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